Mary J. Blige. Horror Movie. What?

When I heard that Mary J. Blige was starring in a horror/thriller movie I said “Girl whet?” I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing. But listen. Hear me out. It was good. 

Auntie Mary- oh wait. Did y’all hear she hates being called auntie? I guess she thinks she’s too young but... as a woman in her late 40s she’s auntie age so... anywhoo. Mary plays Renee, a cop back on the force after some time off recovering from the death of her son and an attack on a civilian. On her first night out, one of her coworker friends is attacked and it all goes downhill from there. Renee finds the footage from his dash cam but it only plays for her. She sees something mysterious and supernatural on the footage and this leads her down a path for answers. 

I think this movie found a really unique way to tie in social justice and horror. Because being Black in America is low key a horror film. So when a movie finds a way to tie these things together it’s becomes intriguing. Look at Lovecraft Country or Get Out. The monsters are the white people. The monsters are the police. This is America and it’s scary ya know? 

Mary might not be the best actress but she got the job done. This movie has a similar premise to the action/thriller Black and Blue. Police murder an innocent young Black man and attempt to cover it up. But in this film, the supernatural element gets attached and you find out that sometimes revenge has to come from the other side. Anika Noni Rose plays the mother of the victim and also the woman Renee is chasing down for answers about what the heck is happening around her. 

I definitely suggest getting cozy this first day of Spooky Szn and curling up under a blanket to watch this film. Let me know what you think!

When Your Invisibae Acts Up...

I’ve been super pressed for the release of The Invisible Man- especially because the first horror movie I saw this year wasn’t that great (see previous post about The Grudge). This film is a remake of the classic Universal movie but of course in 2020, it was much spookier than the one we are used to.

Before we get started I would like to share a brief story about how somebody’s aunty stole my seat in the movie theater. Obviously all seats are reserved these days so when I walked up to E12 and saw Aunt Pam (she looked like a Pam) reclined and living the good life in my favorite end seat I told her she was in my seat. Her response? “Oh chile I don’t know I just sat down.”  Pam! Get tf up!

Ok anywhoo.

The movie tells the story of Cecilia, a woman who has just escaped her abusive husband, Adrian. Not too long after her escape she is informed he has committed suicide. She refuses to believe he would do something like that - knowing how abusive and controlling he is. Cecilia has moved in with her friend James and his daughter Sydney and now that her husband is dead and has left her a boatload of money she thinks Life is Good *Future voice*.

But then things get weird. She has a feeling someone is watching her. Everyone thinks she is crazy and spiraling mentally. But she’s right- Adrian has found a way to turn himself invisible and is torturing her. This movie does a good job of making you think you’re crazy just like Cecilia. Since you know that Adrian is following her you find yourself looking at chairs to see if they move or looking at the air around her to see if you see a breath in the cold air. It’s truly maddening. Once James and Sydney turn on Cecilia, believing she has snapped and punched Sydney, you feel bad for her because now she’s alone. Adrian manages to even kill her sister in public and frame her for the murder because obviously no one sees him. I was clutching my pearls the entire time.

I will say that this movie was predictable as far as the plot goes. The scares were real. It was a thrilling ride. But nothing about the movie really surprised me as far as the plot and the semi happy ending. I did enjoy the movie but it really isn’t something you didn’t see coming from the first scene of the movie. The clues were all there from the very beginning when Cecilia escapes the mansion. The movie was truly spooky and was filmed beautifully. The jump scares didn’t overdo it and it had a creepy feeling throughout.

Since were all stuck at home and the movie theaters have shut down, you can rent the movie on demand or on Prime. For TWENTY dollars. I know. That was my response too- a wtf moment. I suggest waiting until it’s on demand like, for free with one of your movie subscriptions or at least the normal $5 price. It’s a pandemic. That price is wild.

The Prodigy: Don't Ask me to Babysit Your Possessed Kid. Thanks.

From the moment the movie started with that creepy ass humming, I knew I was in for a good time. The Prodigy’s tagline is “What’s Wrong With Miles?” and when you find out it will make you look at your own kid a little sideways. 

When Miles was being born into this world, states away, the police shot down a serial killer. The serial killer’s soul then goes until Miles’ body. Sarah and John (the happy parents who wanted a baby for so long) notice nothing except how advanced and intelligent he is until Miles turns 8. Then things get a little spooky. 

Now that Miles is 8, the serial killer is trying to push through and take over as the lone soul inside his body, pushing away the Miles they know and love. 

I really enjoyed this movie because I thought it had a different twist. Reincarnation? I did not see that coming from the trailer. I am a sucker for a plot twist. This reminds me of Orphan! Did you think she was really a 30 year old woman? Exactly. The Prodigy did not rely on jump scares too much- the movie was really all psychological and major WTF moments. However I did scream LOUDLY in the theater when Sarah is dreaming and Miles runs to her and he magically turns into the grown man serial killer. That caught me off guard. I was embarrassed I screamed that loud but things happen right?

I think a big debate that people have about this movie is the reaction of the parents. Sarah is super concerned and goes to extreme lengths (more on that in a second) to save her son. Meanwhile John is like nah sis he is crazy and he needs to go NEOWWWW! I’m with John. When Miles bashed the little boys head in at school it would have been a wrap for me. Probably would have been a wrap when he tried to kill the babysitter. But when he killed the family pet I would have sat him outside on the porch while we waited for the Po-Po. I see a lot of people siding with Sarah and the lengths she took to save the kid. I can’t say I would have been that dedicated. Your kid is possessed by a serial killer. How you think this fitna end?

This leads me to my main issue with this movie. Sarah thought that in order to save her kid she had to kill the woman that escaped the serial killer? Girl if you don’t GET TF! Why would you assume that is his ONLY unfinished business? Maybe his unfinished business was to kill 10 more women. What would you do then sis? I bet Sarah was apart of the 53%. You know what I mean?

My favorite part of this movie was the showdown with the therapist. It was super creepy how the serial killer was legit smart enough to take those drugs from the medicine cabinet and do other things to frame him. 

I told all of my friends to go see this movie. I really enjoyed it and it held my attention. What were your thoughts on this creepy ass kid?

Glass: The Only Time We Get to See Black Crack?

20 years later we got the completion to a trilogy we never knew we needed. Glass picks up where Split left off. We learn what happened to David Dunn after he accepted he was a superhero- he has spent all these years seeking vigilante justice with his son by his side. Determined to catch the beast, he embarks on a mission to catch him and save his new hostages. In the midst of their battle he gets captured by Ellie Staple, a doctor who wants to work with them and the infamous Mr. Glass to cure them of the delusion of them being superheroes. 

This movie kept me on the edge of my seat pretty much the whole time. Not much about it was predictable, especially the ending. *Spoiler alert* I certainly did not expect all of them to die. I was so angry for a good two minutes. But then I realized it had to happen in order for Mr. Glass to win. And what’s better than a black man coming out on top?

My anger really came from the fact that we waited almost twenty years for this conclusion to have David Dunn die. I was so devastated. Of course the beast had to die. Mr. Glass? I guess. But David Dunn Lawd?! I felt like Jada Pinkett Smith when she fell out in Kingdom Come! 

I also was really disappointed in the final showdown. I was so hyped up for this big battle to take place on Philly's tallest building and wow... it takes place in a parking lot. It’s like wanting Popeyes but you get a chicken box instead. The chicken is still really good but it’s not the taste you had in mind. You get me?

Overall I really enjoyed Glass. I know this movie is supposed to be a trilogy but I would love to see how the secret society falls after the world finds out about superheroes. 

What were your thoughts about Glass?

Who is STILL Buying Creepy Dolls?!

So I normally don’t do movies with subtitles. I know that sounds childish but that takes a lot of concentration and I don’t really be here for it. But Netflix kept flashing some movie named Sabrina across my screen and I was intrigued. I watched the trailer and I was scared so I broke my subtitle rule and gave this a chance and it gave ME an anxiety attack. 

Sabrina is a part of a series of movies called The Doll. I didn’t watch the other movies and you don’t need to either to understand this one. Maira and Aiden adopt Vanya, Aiden’s niece, after her parents die. Vanya is having a hard time adapting to her new life and she really misses her mother. A kid at school teaches her a game called “Charlie Charlie” and once she plays the game by herself at home things get real. 

This movie was seriously creepy. There weren’t even a lot of jump scares- it was just all scary. Like the movie started with a possessed woman stuck to the side of a house. I was like “Wow ok-this is what we doing.” The acting in the movie wasn’t that great. Despite the movie being in a different language, the emotions seemed phony and forced. But some of the best movies on Netflix have the worst acting so I got past that. 

I will say that my issue with movies with plots like this is why don’t people ever get mad at the kid? If MY child summoned a demon I would seriously consider giving it up because who raised you? Whew Chile couldn’t be me. I can’t sleep comfortably at night wondering if you’re about to bring on the apocalypse. You gotta go baby sis. Nice knowing you. 

Sabrina wasn’t the best horror film of the year. It’s not even in the running. But it was fun to watch and a good quick scare. Give it a chance and let me know your thoughts in the comments! 

The Power of 3 Can't Help This Reboot

Listen sis. They did not kill Shannon Doherty off Charmed for this. Prue is rolling over in her grave. When The CW announced they were doing a Charmed reboot, I honestly was not excited. Charmed was my absolute favorite show as a pre-teen. A reboot wasn’t needed. But since it was my favorite show I decided to give it a chance. It was a train wreck. 

I really love the idea that the new Charmed ones are Hispanic (One of them for sure is Afro Latina-even better) but these actresses have absolutely no chemistry with each other. In the original Charmed, you really believed they could’ve been sisters. We didn’t even know Shannon Doherty was acting a fool on set. They had to kill her off the show her behavior was so bad, but on camera they never skipped a beat. You can tell the 2018 Charmed ones are actresses thrown together. Watching them on camera seems like we are watching their very first interaction with each other ever. 

Something that also really bothered me in the premiere episode was how much they shoved down our throats that it’s 2018 and all of the political issues we are facing. That wasn’t what Charmed was about. This episode consistently threw the #MeToo movement in our faces. I’m totally aware of the climate we live in and what issues our country is facing, but the writers tried so hard to make this an issue on the show it  felt forced and unnatural. Where is the magic? Where’s the power of 3? If I wanted to hear this much about the movement I’d watch CNN. WE GET IT. Charmed is about magical sisters not political activists. I understand keeping with the times but the original Charmed never had to remind us it was 1998- we just knew. The art of subtlety is lacking here. In the reboot of Sabrina, (review for this coming soon) that began streaming this weekend, it is definitely clear the women feel more powerful than the 90s version but it’s still clear that they have to bow to the will of men. Charmed writers, Take notes on how to make a statement without saying it over and over again. Show us. Don’t tell us. 
On top of everything else, the special effects on this show are really childish. How did the effects look way better than this in the late 90s? 
I watched the second episode of the show because I tried to look at it like “If the original Charmed didn’t exist would I like this show?” The answer is still no. The lack of chemistry and plot is just to bad to endure week after week. I give up. Bring back the Halliwells. Raise Prue from the dead. Anything is better than this sis. 

Malevolent: Another Netflix Horror Movie...Another Netflix Letdown

Someone recently asked me what I felt about scary movies on Netflix. I paused and thought about this. I told them that there are some hidden gems but for the most part they really suck. I thought Malevolent would be different. So I gave it a chance. 

Malevolent is about two siblings, Jackson and Angela, who run a fake ghost-busting business. Angela has “visions” and they use equipment to trick the client into thinking they are really ridding their homes of evil, only to take their money and run. The movie starts slowly, giving a little back story about how the siblings’ mother committed suicide (she sliced her eyes out because she was having visions). The movie is set in the 1980s (not really sure why- maybe they just wanted to drive a hooptie and wear Cosby sweaters). Although Angela is a “fake” medium, it appears she really is having visions, just like her mother did before she killed herself. The real thrill of the movie comes when Jackson agrees to take on a case at an old, haunted orphanage with a dark history. The owner of the house is super stressed out and lets the Ghostbusters know, “I just want a quiet house.” The house is so creepy and foreboding that this is where I thought to myself, “OK this is getting good!” But then… it didn’t.

Malevolent is a slow movie from start to finish with the characters making really weird choices (there is a scene where a character falls through the floor and breaks his ankle but no one rushes to get him out or call 911). This movie attempts to build up the creepy tension in this old house but completely lets the audience down. To be honest, I fell asleep on this movie and had to re-watch the last 20 minutes. I fell asleep somewhere around when everyone managed to escape and then nonsensically crashed into a ditch. (This is what I mean about Netflix movies. Where’s the logic?) The biggest surprise of the movie is (plot twist) the woman they were supposed to be scamming actually killed the children (now it makes sense that she just wanted a quiet house).

There was a lot of hope for the character development of Jackson and Angela but the writers let us down in that department too. They touch on Angela having visions like her mother but that storyline doesn’t really get us anywhere.

Malevolent started slow, ended slow, and proved my point in the conversation that I had the other day- Netflix can’t seem to make a decent horror movie.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with horror movies. I was a little kid scaring myself senseless watching Tales from the Hood, Child’s Play, and Final Destination. I stressed my parents out with my obsessions with Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Craft, and Charmed (they totally thought I was trying to become a witch in real life). Supernatural has been my favorite TV show since I was 15 and I am always in the theater on the release date of new scary movies. I love all things autumn (except the disgrace that is pumpkin spice) and Halloween brings me so much joy. I have seen Get Out no less than 30 times (if you don’t know why this is the scariest movie ever created then you are probably part of the problem…) From this love of all things scary and suspenseful Black Girl Horror was born! Stay tuned for reviews on new movies, TV shows, and much more.  I am so excited to share my labor of love with everyone reading this. Let’s get scary!