A Clown Scarier Than Your Ex!

Once again... better late than never!

Now before we begin this review, I would like to discuss my black ass experience going to see It Chapter Two. After all, this blog is called Black Girl Horror for a reason.

So I pop up at my local black theater on a Thursday afternoon. The theater was surprisingly full for an 11:50 am screening. I guess everyone decided to get like me and take a mental health day. Now we all know whatever time the movie is supposed to start is really just the beginning of the trailers. So 10 minutes go by and no trailers. No one else seems to be bothered by this but I’m getting antsy seeing as how the movie is nearly 3 hours long. So an additional 10 minutes go by and I’ve had enough. I go find a staff member and tell him what’s going on and his response was, “Well are you in the right theater?” A valid question because one time I did sit in the wrong theater. However. Today was not that day. So he follows me to the theater and was like oh yea you’re right. Sir I know! So he radios for an explanation and they say there’s a delay. How much y’all willing to be the projector man was taking shots of Ciroc upstairs and forgot to press play? They then proceeded to play a good 25 minutes of trailers. Almost an hour later... I finally got to see the movie *cheers and screams*

Now for the real reason you are here!

At almost 3 hours long, It Chapter 2 has lots and lots of time to be scary af. The sequel to 2017’s It picks up 27 years later. Everyone except Mike has left Derry, Maine. But when the murders start happening again Mike has to call in the Loser’s Club to finish what they started all those years ago.

I loved how the movie used flashbacks from what happened 27 years ago after the first chapter ended to show how all of the characters split and ended up where they are now. Something about leaving Derry makes you forget where you came from so Mike forces everyone to remember what happened before to make them strong enough to take on Pennywise. It’s nice to see that mostly everyone is leading very successful lives despite their childhood trauma. Unfortunately for Beverly, she married a man just like her abusive father- but I was so happy to see her escape him in her return to Derry.

A lot of people have said they found this movie scarier than the first. I find them equally scary but I love how this movie wrapped up the story. We learn more about the origins of Pennywise plus we find out how the Losers Club split not too long after defeating him the first time. While the movie wasn’t a happy ending for everyone, I was happiest about Beverly and Ben riding off into the sunset together. That brought me joy.

As always, feel free to share your thoughts below!

The Power of 3 Can't Help This Reboot

Listen sis. They did not kill Shannon Doherty off Charmed for this. Prue is rolling over in her grave. When The CW announced they were doing a Charmed reboot, I honestly was not excited. Charmed was my absolute favorite show as a pre-teen. A reboot wasn’t needed. But since it was my favorite show I decided to give it a chance. It was a train wreck. 

I really love the idea that the new Charmed ones are Hispanic (One of them for sure is Afro Latina-even better) but these actresses have absolutely no chemistry with each other. In the original Charmed, you really believed they could’ve been sisters. We didn’t even know Shannon Doherty was acting a fool on set. They had to kill her off the show her behavior was so bad, but on camera they never skipped a beat. You can tell the 2018 Charmed ones are actresses thrown together. Watching them on camera seems like we are watching their very first interaction with each other ever. 

Something that also really bothered me in the premiere episode was how much they shoved down our throats that it’s 2018 and all of the political issues we are facing. That wasn’t what Charmed was about. This episode consistently threw the #MeToo movement in our faces. I’m totally aware of the climate we live in and what issues our country is facing, but the writers tried so hard to make this an issue on the show it  felt forced and unnatural. Where is the magic? Where’s the power of 3? If I wanted to hear this much about the movement I’d watch CNN. WE GET IT. Charmed is about magical sisters not political activists. I understand keeping with the times but the original Charmed never had to remind us it was 1998- we just knew. The art of subtlety is lacking here. In the reboot of Sabrina, (review for this coming soon) that began streaming this weekend, it is definitely clear the women feel more powerful than the 90s version but it’s still clear that they have to bow to the will of men. Charmed writers, Take notes on how to make a statement without saying it over and over again. Show us. Don’t tell us. 
On top of everything else, the special effects on this show are really childish. How did the effects look way better than this in the late 90s? 
I watched the second episode of the show because I tried to look at it like “If the original Charmed didn’t exist would I like this show?” The answer is still no. The lack of chemistry and plot is just to bad to endure week after week. I give up. Bring back the Halliwells. Raise Prue from the dead. Anything is better than this sis. 

Halloween (But Not the Tyler Perry Version)

In today’s episode of “White People do Dumb **** in Scary Movies” I present to you Halloween (2018). The fact that after 40 years, Michael Myers is still out here killing people who are running at full speed while he is doing a smooth pimp stroll is beyond me, but nonetheless, this was one of my most anticipated movies of the year. 

The new Halloween is a “sequel” to the original. We are supposed to forget any movie that came after the original in 1978. We are supposed to forget they said Jamie Lee Curtis was his sister and we are even supposed to forget about Busta Rhymes running from Michael too. Weirdly enough, forgetting all the sequels really worked. This movie picks up 40 years after the Halloween night Michael Myers murdered Laurie Strode’s friends and almost killed her. We learn that life after this night hasn’t been a crystal stair for Laurie. Two podcasters come to interview her and we learn she has two failed marriages and a daughter that doesn’t really bang with her like that. She lives in a heavily guarded house in the woods, waiting for the day Michael comes for her to finish what they started all those years ago. 

Of course after this, lots of murder ensues. Overall, this was a really solid movie. Although it was not extremely scary, it had an excellent plot and a couple of jumps throughout. There was even some comedic relief in the form of little Julian. Julian was legit the smartest character in the movie. Why? Because he knew to get tf low when Michael came in his house. And why did he get low? Because Julian was black and his parents taught him well. Chile, I was so frustrated with all of the other characters just standing around instead of escaping when Michael came for them. For instance, the podcaster trapped in the bathroom had AMPLE opportunity to get low but she sat in that stall holding onto that crowbar like she was about that action. I wanted to throw my phone at the screen. 

I really loved the character development between Laurie, her daughter Karen, and her granddaughter Allyson. We learn that their relationships have not been great over the years but when things go left this family really stuck together. Something else that was important to me in this movie is that it felt genuine. A lot of film and tv reboots try to force it down your throat that we are now in 2018 as opposed to whenever the original came out (hello Charmed reboot). But this felt like we just picked up in Laurie’s life all these years later and we didn’t have to be consistently reminded of how much time had passed. 

This was the perfect October release getting us ready for everyone’s fave holiday. Share your thoughts below!

Same Struggle, Different Day: Tales from the Hood 2 Steps Into the Present

Tales from the Hood is one of my favorite scary movies (I know- I say this a lot. But my scary movies are ranked in different categories. Leave me alone sis). If you are unfamiliar with this classic 90s anthology movie I suggest you check it out. The movie, executive produced by Spike Lee, discussed issues plaguing the African American community (police brutality, gang culture, etc.) and turned them into horror stories. This concept is also what I believe made Get Out so popular- real issues dramatized and turned into our greatest fears as African Americans. The stories in that movie all resonated with me. Even at a young age I understood the powerful messages behind the short stories. So imagine my delight when one of my friends sent me a link to the poster for Tales from the Hood 2! I couldn’t believe it! The sequel is executive produced by Spike Lee, just like the original, and follows the same theme- a storyteller walking characters through different stories with a message. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. Keith David was the perfect casting choice for the new storyteller. He really can play any role, from New-New’s dad to Pastor Greenleaf, he is one of my faves. The stories definitely resonated with today’s trying times. Of course the character he is telling the stories to, Dumass Beach (I really loved this play on words. Perfect!) basically embodies all the MAGA hatred that is going on in this country. This movie touched on so many important issues such as African Americans in politics voting against their own people, allowing other races to belittle our culture and appropriate it, rebuilding the black community, and so much more. I would say the one story that I felt was a little forced was the vampire tale. Of course this one was necessary to speak to the #MeToo movement but the story felt very forced. However, it was still very important to mention this super important movement that is all over the headlines. The original and the sequel really did a perfect job of taking stories from the headlines and from within our community and showing the viewer that there really is horror within the truth. Basically, it’s a movie about Kanye. But I digress.

Although this sequel came 22 years later, it did not disappoint. Watch it on Netflix and share your thoughts! 

Hulu's "The Body" Does Not Disappoint

I was so excited when I learned that Blumhouse and Hulu were teaming up to create Into the Dark. Into the Dark is a monthly anthology film series that will feature a new scary movie every month, for 12 months, based on a holiday that falls in that month. First up- “The Body.”

“The Body” tells the story of a hitman who has to transport a body in a short amount of time on Halloween night. Of course he blends in with the crowd and everyone thinks he has the coolest costume... until it gets real and they realize this is far from a Party City prop. 

I really enjoyed this film. It kept me intrigued with lots of action. Typically I do not care for a lot of gore in my horror movies but this one did not overdo it. Even though you are basically thrust into this story after the murder has taken place, you never feel lost or confused about what is going on. The story has comedic relief throughout provided by the random group of friends who are running from the killer all while trying to save the body and take it to the police for reward money they just imagine they’ll get (because SURPRISE- the dead body is a celebrity)

The ending was a very interesting plot twist that I kinda didn’t see coming. 

Watch on Hulu and give me your feedback below!

Malevolent: Another Netflix Horror Movie...Another Netflix Letdown

Someone recently asked me what I felt about scary movies on Netflix. I paused and thought about this. I told them that there are some hidden gems but for the most part they really suck. I thought Malevolent would be different. So I gave it a chance. 

Malevolent is about two siblings, Jackson and Angela, who run a fake ghost-busting business. Angela has “visions” and they use equipment to trick the client into thinking they are really ridding their homes of evil, only to take their money and run. The movie starts slowly, giving a little back story about how the siblings’ mother committed suicide (she sliced her eyes out because she was having visions). The movie is set in the 1980s (not really sure why- maybe they just wanted to drive a hooptie and wear Cosby sweaters). Although Angela is a “fake” medium, it appears she really is having visions, just like her mother did before she killed herself. The real thrill of the movie comes when Jackson agrees to take on a case at an old, haunted orphanage with a dark history. The owner of the house is super stressed out and lets the Ghostbusters know, “I just want a quiet house.” The house is so creepy and foreboding that this is where I thought to myself, “OK this is getting good!” But then… it didn’t.

Malevolent is a slow movie from start to finish with the characters making really weird choices (there is a scene where a character falls through the floor and breaks his ankle but no one rushes to get him out or call 911). This movie attempts to build up the creepy tension in this old house but completely lets the audience down. To be honest, I fell asleep on this movie and had to re-watch the last 20 minutes. I fell asleep somewhere around when everyone managed to escape and then nonsensically crashed into a ditch. (This is what I mean about Netflix movies. Where’s the logic?) The biggest surprise of the movie is (plot twist) the woman they were supposed to be scamming actually killed the children (now it makes sense that she just wanted a quiet house).

There was a lot of hope for the character development of Jackson and Angela but the writers let us down in that department too. They touch on Angela having visions like her mother but that storyline doesn’t really get us anywhere.

Malevolent started slow, ended slow, and proved my point in the conversation that I had the other day- Netflix can’t seem to make a decent horror movie.

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with horror movies. I was a little kid scaring myself senseless watching Tales from the Hood, Child’s Play, and Final Destination. I stressed my parents out with my obsessions with Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Craft, and Charmed (they totally thought I was trying to become a witch in real life). Supernatural has been my favorite TV show since I was 15 and I am always in the theater on the release date of new scary movies. I love all things autumn (except the disgrace that is pumpkin spice) and Halloween brings me so much joy. I have seen Get Out no less than 30 times (if you don’t know why this is the scariest movie ever created then you are probably part of the problem…) From this love of all things scary and suspenseful Black Girl Horror was born! Stay tuned for reviews on new movies, TV shows, and much more.  I am so excited to share my labor of love with everyone reading this. Let’s get scary!